Just over a year had passed since Olya disappeared from Nikita’s life. Time had not erased her from his memory, but he learned to live on, gradually getting used to the thought that he might never see his wife again.
With each new day, the hope of finding Olga melted away like snow… To soothe his pain, the man completely immersed himself in work. He worked twenty-four seven, never allowing himself to relax. Every minute was scheduled.
It was the same that day: at lunch, Nikita hurried to an important business meeting. He was crossing the street when suddenly his attention was drawn to a summer terrace of one of the restaurants.
In the distance, he saw a familiar face. It was his cousin, Nikolai. Nikita involuntarily slowed his pace and, despite the hurry, decided to approach and greet him. They had not seen each other for a long time. As he got closer, the man noticed that Kolya was sitting with a girl. Her face was not visible as she sat with her back to him, but there was something painfully familiar about her movements. Nikita’s heart beat faster, and his legs quickened their pace.
As he approached, he saw his brother lean toward the stranger, say something to her, and the girl laughed. The laugh was also familiar to him. Nikita stopped a few meters from the terrace and froze. He knew those gestures, knew that smile. He couldn’t believe his eyes!
Some time ago.
Olga sat on a hard chair at her doctor’s office, clutching the ultrasound results in her hands. The woman heard and saw no one. She simply stared in confusion at a poster with a rosy-cheeked baby. This was their third attempt with her husband… And again, a failure. She had not maintained the pregnancy.
Olga tried to comprehend what was happening, but each time her thoughts returned to what had happened, it hurt. The feeling seemed insurmountable, as if the world around her had shattered into a million pieces.
Suddenly, the doctor’s office door opened, and the doctor came out.
“Olga, how are you feeling? Is everything alright?”
Olga looked at the doctor, and their eyes met. She replied politely, restraining her emotions:
“Everything’s fine, thank you.”
The doctor noticed that behind this restraint hid a deep pain that Olga was desperately trying to conceal.
“If you need to talk to me or just sit in silence, you can stay here as long as you need, my office is open until seven,” the doctor said softly.
Olga just nodded, unable to say anything.
Silence reigned in Olga and Nikita’s apartment. After the visit to the doctor, they returned home, where each was immersed in their own thoughts. Olga sat motionless on the couch. Nikita watched her from the kitchen, feeling a growing anxiety inside him.
He understood that he needed to be there but did not know how to properly support his wife. His heart did not feel the same acute pain she experienced. He knew he wanted to be a father, but this desire was not as strong as Olga’s longing to be a mother.
Nikita slowly approached her, sat next to her, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder, softly saying:
“Olga, can we talk? Can I do something for you? Bring you some tea?”
Olga flinched at his touch but did not respond.
“I understand that it’s hard right now,” Nikita continued, trying not to rush her. “I’m here, right next to you. If you want to talk or just be together, I’m ready.”
Olga silently nodded, and tears quietly rolled down her cheeks. Nikita gently hugged her. After a few minutes, Olga finally spoke, her voice barely audible…
“Nikita… Why did this happen again? Why is everything like this?”
“I don’t know, Ol,” he replied honestly. “I don’t know why it happened like this. But I know one thing — we’ll get through this.”
Olga covered her face with her hands, her shoulders trembling with quiet sobs. Nikita held her tighter.
Yet, it did not get easier. Olga turned into a shadow. She seemed to have lost all the energy that once filled her body. She barely ate anything. Favorite activities that once brought joy no longer attracted her.
Olga avoided communication, she did not want to see friends or even her own husband. She barricaded herself from the world, enclosed in her pain and despair. Nikita watched this but did not understand what else he could do. It seemed to him that Olga was moving away from him, slipping into a world of her inner experiences. And yet, happiness had been so close… And suddenly, a miscarriage. No one would wish that on anyone…
One evening, returning home from work, Nikita discovered that the apartment was empty. At first, he thought his wife had just gone out, perhaps for groceries or a walk. But when he opened the bedroom door, he understood everything. There were neither her things nor signs of her presence. All that was left was a note lying on the bed.
With a heavy heart, the man approached the bed and took the sheet in his hands.
“Forgive me, Nikita. I can’t anymore. I need to leave. I hope you’ll understand. Olga.”
Nikita just sat on the floor and clutched his head.
After Olga disappeared, Nikita was sucked into a whirlpool of despair and anxiety. The first weeks after her departure, he spent in non-stop searching for his beloved, trying to find out where she could have gone and what had happened to her.
The couple had few friends, but none of them knew where Olga had disappeared. The woman had no close relatives: only an aunt, but she lived in another city and did not keep in touch with Olga.
He turned to the police, hoping they would help find his wife. But as time passed, his hopes for their help began to fade. Every time he called, the answers became more and more monotonous: “We are doing everything possible,” “We continue the search,” “No new information yet.” But these words were not enough to fill the void inside. ©Stella Chiari
Not waiting for results, Nikita decided to act on his own. He visited all the hospitals, checked patient lists, spoke to doctors, hoping for the slightest clue. He walked through morgues: the man was prepared for the worst, but each time, leaving there and not finding his wife there, Nikita felt relief. And then he was seized by anxiety at the thought that she could be somewhere else, in an even more terrible condition.
He posted flyers with Olga’s photo all over the city and even in other cities where she could have gone. Nikita wrote on social media, created groups, joined communities where people shared stories about missing loved ones. Every day he checked all these pages, hoping for any news.
Months dragged on one after another, and with each new week of searching, Nikita felt his strength leaving him. He could no longer deny the obvious: Olga, perhaps, did not want to be found. At some point, Nikita realized that it was easier for him to think that his wife had left on her own, that somewhere out there she had decided to start life with a clean slate, far from everything that tied her to the past. This thought brought him a semblance of consolation, although it did not ease the pain of loss.
That very day…
As he reached the table where his brother was sitting with the stranger, Nikita finally saw her face. It was Olga. His wife, who had disappeared more than a year ago.
“Olga?” Nikita’s voice trembled. “Is that… Is that you?”
His wife slowly raised her eyes and paled. Nikolai, noticing Nikita, also fell silent.
“Nikita…” Olga said, her voice was quiet, as if she herself did not believe in the reality of what was happening.
Nikita looked at his wife, trying to understand that all this was not a dream, that it was indeed Olga — the one he had been searching for, the one he thought about every day.
“What is going on here?” Nikita barely found the strength in himself and squeezed out this question.
Kolya cast a quick glance at Olga, but she seemed not to know what to answer.
“We need to talk,” said Nikolai. “Sit down. We’ll explain.”
“Explain?!” Nikita said angrily. “Let’s! I want to know everything.”
Nikita, Olga, and Nikolai moved to a more secluded place, away from prying eyes and the noise of the restaurant. Inside Nikita, emotions boiled: shock, anger, joy, and pain mixed into a strange haze that deprived him of the ability to think clearly. He clenched his phone in his hands, and although the time for the business meeting was approaching, he didn’t care that he would be late. To hell with it all!
Kolya sat opposite, his face expressing concern and tension. Olga, however, stopped frowning and smiled, examining her husband.
“Nikita, I didn’t leave just like that,” her voice was soft and enveloping. “At that moment, I was in a terrible state. I had very severe depression. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t understand how to cope with what was happening inside me. I was on the brink of life and death, not understanding why I even needed this life. Everything seemed unreal, as if I was sinking into some darkness from which there was no escape. And at some point, this wave overwhelmed me so much that I decided to run away. I just couldn’t stay at home anymore. I didn’t know what I was capable of… And what I could do in such a state.”
Nikita listened attentively without interrupting. At some point, Olga tried to touch her husband’s hand, but he pulled it away.
“I searched for you everywhere… Where were you hiding?”
“I just went on the road, caught a car, and left. Then further and so… traveled through different cities,” continued Olga, her gaze was fixed on her husband, from whom there was no hiding. “The money I had lasted for some time, then I started working wherever I could, just to not stay in one place, to not let myself sink back into that darkness. I tried to find myself, and then, when I realized how much pain I had caused you, I wanted to punish myself for it. But I managed to calm down and… Again traveled further and further.”
She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, then continued:
“Then I ended up in a monastery. You know, there I seemed to start living anew. I stayed there for some time… It was so peaceful there. I prayed to find myself, to understand how to live on. It took me a long time to start feeling again. I built myself from scratch. And I decided to return. To apologize to you. To say that I love you very much…”
Olga looked up at Nikita, he was pale, tears froze in his eyes.
“I don’t expect anything from you, Nikita. I know that I caused you incredible pain. I just wanted to arrange a meeting with you through Kolya. I didn’t want to fall on you like snow on your head,” her voice trembled. “Kolya knew nothing about my whereabouts. Don’t look at him like that. Brother did not betray you. He is not to blame. He just happened to answer my call. Your mother thought she was being played with and hung up the phone, and friends did not respond to my messages and calls. No one…”
Kolya nodded, confirming her words, but anxiety was read in his gaze.
“Nikita, I really didn’t know where Olga was. She called a couple of days ago. I couldn’t refuse her. You loved each other so much… I wanted to help you… Her…”
Nikita understood that the woman sitting in front of him was not the Olga he knew before. This was some other woman, who had probably endured so much during that time, and, undoubtedly, had changed herself. But he too had endured a lot of suffering over the year.
“I don’t know what to say. It hurts because of what happened, and because I couldn’t help you. But I’m glad that you found the strength to return. But I also went through a lot. Sorry. I can’t just pretend that everything is okay…”
Nikita stood up and walked away. But just before exiting the restaurant, he stopped. He had dreamed all year of seeing his wife again. He had dreamed of hearing her voice, learning that she was alive and well. And here Olga was a couple of meters from him. Nikita suddenly realized that he did not want to cowardly run away. He clearly felt that he did not want to let go of his wife, that he needed her just as much as a year ago. The man turned around. Olga stood opposite him.
“I’ll go too,” she said quietly.
“Wait… I don’t know if we can ever return to what was. But I know one thing: I don’t want to lose you again…”
Olga slowly approached him and took his hand, then hugged him. Nikita felt his heart begin to thaw. Something warm reappeared inside: he felt happiness for the first time in a long time. Suddenly, his wife let go of him, and the feeling of happiness evaporated. There remained a sharp desire to grab Olga, press her to himself, hide her from the whole world, and never let her go again. Probably, Olga felt the same.
“I live in my parents’ apartment, come if you want.” — she said with a light smile.
“I’ll come…” — Nikita said quietly.
Olga left the restaurant. And Nikita just stood frozen in the doorway. He didn’t know if he could trust her now…
